...well, I get it. Not having any say in how things go is...

[it's the kind of life he's lived for a long time. not the kind he wants to live, but it's all he has.]

I have a deal with Rodya, y'know. That if it's ever one of us-- if it's her, I'll kill her, or if it's me, she'll kill me. And if I didn't have her, I just might want what you did.

Can't blame you for that.