[ no that's too cringey he can't acknowledge loving those shitheads ]
Y-yeah...
[ he pauses for a long moment, frowning at the tonal dissonance between what she's saying and what he's feeling. he hates talking about personal and emotional stuff so much that he hasn't told this to anyone, so the others who were there are the only ones who know. ]
Um. Actually... When we were on that mission, with the plants. And the... execution thing.
[ takes a deep breath... ]
...They were some of the criminals they had lined up for execution. All five of them. And though they got out of that, the vines— I saw them all die.
[ hence his volatility when she tried to talk to him about it before. ]
After talking to Temenos-san about it, I think it... probably wasn't real, but. I don't actually know that for sure. Because if they can pull me out of our world and put me in this shitty situation where i could die for real at any time, then— who's to say that didn't happen to them too, you know?
[Her eye are wide as he explains, hand softly coming to her mouth. It's a sparse picture he paints but one that punches with the same heavy hits as a fully fleshed tale.]
Oh...Oh, Totty, that's terrible. [She holds his shoulder with delicate fingers, uncertain what might help. If he needs it. Or even wants it.] What a dreadful thing to have seen.
I can't imagine why...from what I understand, Almathea said it's likely a void of illusions, and not a real planet at all. I don't think it would have really been them. [A hard thing to prove, but she has her hunches.]> Remember how the first week there was an effect of us hearing each other's thoughts? And this week, you can't take ten paces without walking into someone else's memories.
With all that put together, I hope that maybe it just...reached into your mind and pulled your fears out to be faced. I'm sure they're all quite safe and sound at home.
This memory thing this week definitely does make that feel more plausible. Before this... I didn't know how it was that we were all able to see these people the others knew who we had no reason to be able to recognize ourselves.
[ ... ]
I mean— obviously they know what I look like, so maybe it's not so amazing that they would have gotten the appearances right on mine. But I also never told anyone we were all identical... and all their personalities and everything seemed right too.
...But. Yeah. I think now that it probably was something like that — projecting from our memories just like the sim rooms. [ ... ] Just wish I could confirm it and kick the rest of this annoying doubt to the curb.
Maybe it's hard to confirm it for sure, but there's enough evidence now? There's great powers that can do that sort of thing in space, machine or not.
[Let it be known she has conflated every inch of their life here in a broad category called "space", whether it actually belongs in intergalactic sci-fi or not.]
I don't blame you for worrying at all, and it's not a totally unreasonable worry. But — nearly everything I've heard about these trips does sound like they play with a lot of illusions. Sometimes really ridiculous ones, or sometimes ones meant to hurt us. I don't know if that's on purpose or just part of its nature, but it happens here.
It's not a great thing to take comfort in, but I hope it helps sort some of this out.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Y-yeah...
[ he pauses for a long moment, frowning at the tonal dissonance between what she's saying and what he's feeling. he hates talking about personal and emotional stuff so much that he hasn't told this to anyone, so the others who were there are the only ones who know. ]
Um. Actually... When we were on that mission, with the plants. And the... execution thing.
[ takes a deep breath... ]
...They were some of the criminals they had lined up for execution. All five of them. And though they got out of that, the vines— I saw them all die.
[ hence his volatility when she tried to talk to him about it before. ]
After talking to Temenos-san about it, I think it... probably wasn't real, but. I don't actually know that for sure. Because if they can pull me out of our world and put me in this shitty situation where i could die for real at any time, then— who's to say that didn't happen to them too, you know?
no subject
Oh...Oh, Totty, that's terrible. [She holds his shoulder with delicate fingers, uncertain what might help. If he needs it. Or even wants it.] What a dreadful thing to have seen.
I can't imagine why...from what I understand, Almathea said it's likely a void of illusions, and not a real planet at all. I don't think it would have really been them. [A hard thing to prove, but she has her hunches.]> Remember how the first week there was an effect of us hearing each other's thoughts? And this week, you can't take ten paces without walking into someone else's memories.
With all that put together, I hope that maybe it just...reached into your mind and pulled your fears out to be faced. I'm sure they're all quite safe and sound at home.
no subject
This memory thing this week definitely does make that feel more plausible. Before this... I didn't know how it was that we were all able to see these people the others knew who we had no reason to be able to recognize ourselves.
[ ... ]
I mean— obviously they know what I look like, so maybe it's not so amazing that they would have gotten the appearances right on mine. But I also never told anyone we were all identical... and all their personalities and everything seemed right too.
...But. Yeah. I think now that it probably was something like that — projecting from our memories just like the sim rooms. [ ... ] Just wish I could confirm it and kick the rest of this annoying doubt to the curb.
no subject
[Let it be known she has conflated every inch of their life here in a broad category called "space", whether it actually belongs in intergalactic sci-fi or not.]
I don't blame you for worrying at all, and it's not a totally unreasonable worry. But — nearly everything I've heard about these trips does sound like they play with a lot of illusions. Sometimes really ridiculous ones, or sometimes ones meant to hurt us. I don't know if that's on purpose or just part of its nature, but it happens here.
It's not a great thing to take comfort in, but I hope it helps sort some of this out.