[ it was obvious she'd been in pretty bad shape when she came to his door yesterday, but before that... was she miserable when they were skating at the beginning of the week too?
... ]
I, um... Thebe found a karaoke machine and we set that up at the bar together. So if you feel up to it a little later, Kasuga-san and Kazuki-kun and I would all still love to sing with you. You could sing Fast Car, it has that.
It wasn't your responsibility, Totty. And I didn't... [She bites her lip, looking to the ground. Working something through.] I didn't know what was happening, and so I fought to pretend it wasn't. It didn't feel right but it never went away.
[Her brows furrow as he goes on. Rosamund looks to him, bewildered, lips parting in an open gape.]
...Totty, I just killed a man. Why are you inviting me to anything?
I know, but you only did it because of those stupid space waves or whatever! Just like Sheba-chan and Shouxue-san and everyone! You're still you!
[ he's not going to be unrealistic about it, but... ]
You're still our friend, and... whatever happens, we want you to be able to enjoy the parts of your story that you make up for yourself for a little longer before it ends!
[It hurts. And it enrages her. He should be able to get it, he's the one closest to her position. But she fell prey to something great and unknowable and he's still on the other side, hoping to twist the genre and rewrite the plot.
The gulf between them is too great now. Either he has to leave her behind, or she him. Can't he see that? Or is that why he's clinging so hard to simple things?]
I can't stand it here another moment. I've never felt so furious in my life. And I can't trust anyone. I can't look at myself. I can't stand it, Totty, I don't want to pretend like I can anymore.
[ that's the kind of genre he's from. the mundane things are the important ones. offering a nice slice-of-life reprieve is really all he has in this kind of situation.
so if that's not enough for even a few minutes... well, he's not much use here at all, is he?
he bites the inside of his lip for a moment and nods. ]
...Yeah. Okay.
[ he's still going to make an effort to give her hand a squeeze if he can. she can punch him for it if she wants to, he doesn't mind. ]
[The squeeze pulls at her. The words doubly so. Rosamund's face twists and her eyes grow prickly and wet. She has to shift her jaw to speak, and the sound comes out as a croak anyway.]
No. No, I'm not her.
[A different brand of monster, then.
Rosamund lifts his hand with hers, pressing it to her lips. Tears fall fast now, and she can't look at his sweet face without losing more.]
You're so very special, Totty. I wish...I wish I could repay you all the great kindness you've shown to me.
[ shit, he didn't mean to make her feel even worse. seeing her tears makes his threaten to start spilling over too. and then— oh.
the kiss to his hand is one of the last things he might have expected, and as she speaks those words that he doesn't feel should really be meant for him, he just stares at her and tries to blink away the tears that blur his vision. ]
H-huh?
[ repay him? in probably any other situation he'd be thrilled to hear someone speaking so highly of him, especially a girl he likes this much. but hearing it from her right now just leaves him feeling a heavy pang of guilt deep in his chest. ]
No, that's— you've already done that. I mean, you've always been nicer to me than I really deserved. I'm—
[ he swallows around the lump in his throat, hand trembling a little in hers. ]
I'm kind of a piece of shit, honestly. I'm self-absorbed and lazy and I lie all the time to make myself seem like a better person than I am. If anything, I've... maybe been a little better here because of people like you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah... I kind of figured that much. Sorry.
Were you feeling angry like that all week?
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Then closes it again. Her brows draw into a knot.]
In...in a way. I don't know. I've felt awful in a lot of ways this week.
no subject
[ it was obvious she'd been in pretty bad shape when she came to his door yesterday, but before that... was she miserable when they were skating at the beginning of the week too?
... ]
I, um... Thebe found a karaoke machine and we set that up at the bar together. So if you feel up to it a little later, Kasuga-san and Kazuki-kun and I would all still love to sing with you. You could sing Fast Car, it has that.
no subject
It wasn't your responsibility, Totty. And I didn't... [She bites her lip, looking to the ground. Working something through.] I didn't know what was happening, and so I fought to pretend it wasn't. It didn't feel right but it never went away.
[Her brows furrow as he goes on. Rosamund looks to him, bewildered, lips parting in an open gape.]
...Totty, I just killed a man. Why are you inviting me to anything?
no subject
[ he's not going to be unrealistic about it, but... ]
You're still our friend, and... whatever happens, we want you to be able to enjoy the parts of your story that you make up for yourself for a little longer before it ends!
no subject
[It hurts. And it enrages her. He should be able to get it, he's the one closest to her position. But she fell prey to something great and unknowable and he's still on the other side, hoping to twist the genre and rewrite the plot.
The gulf between them is too great now. Either he has to leave her behind, or she him. Can't he see that? Or is that why he's clinging so hard to simple things?]
I can't stand it here another moment. I've never felt so furious in my life. And I can't trust anyone. I can't look at myself. I can't stand it, Totty, I don't want to pretend like I can anymore.
no subject
so if that's not enough for even a few minutes... well, he's not much use here at all, is he?
he bites the inside of his lip for a moment and nods. ]
...Yeah. Okay.
[ he's still going to make an effort to give her hand a squeeze if he can. she can punch him for it if she wants to, he doesn't mind. ]
...But... you're not the Stepmother, you know?
no subject
No. No, I'm not her.
[A different brand of monster, then.
Rosamund lifts his hand with hers, pressing it to her lips. Tears fall fast now, and she can't look at his sweet face without losing more.]
You're so very special, Totty. I wish...I wish I could repay you all the great kindness you've shown to me.
[Too little, too late.]
no subject
the kiss to his hand is one of the last things he might have expected, and as she speaks those words that he doesn't feel should really be meant for him, he just stares at her and tries to blink away the tears that blur his vision. ]
H-huh?
[ repay him? in probably any other situation he'd be thrilled to hear someone speaking so highly of him, especially a girl he likes this much. but hearing it from her right now just leaves him feeling a heavy pang of guilt deep in his chest. ]
No, that's— you've already done that. I mean, you've always been nicer to me than I really deserved. I'm—
[ he swallows around the lump in his throat, hand trembling a little in hers. ]
I'm kind of a piece of shit, honestly. I'm self-absorbed and lazy and I lie all the time to make myself seem like a better person than I am. If anything, I've... maybe been a little better here because of people like you.