RUPERT

[rosebleed]

I'd say i'll put things here later but that's a lie

Comments

w0 monday

[agleam]

[it's coffee shop time! he's mostly watching the robotic arm move around, clearly fascinated. just ye olde things.]

Ever seen something like this before?

[rosebleed]

Actually? [Slowly nodding.] I kind of have? On my last kidnapping. It was set on a spaceship, you see.

[and yet she is also just as entranced. wow.]

...Plus the Baron of the Bricks had these mechanical pigs working at his castle instead of real people, so I guess that's similar.

[agleam]

Whoa... A spaceship would be so cool under literally other circumstance...

[blinks, though. after a moment:]

Wait, so... [math lady meme] If this baron wanted to make mechanical helpers, why wouldn't he pick something that has opposable thumbs?

[rosebleed]

Right? What a disappointment all the murder and man-eating plants were.

[Also help this is such a good point that she blue-screens for a moment.]

Um. I suppose it's because he was a pig?

[agleam]

Wait - man eating plants?

[yikes!! anyways fortunately (?) he automatically accepts this fairy tale logic for whatever reason with a nod.]

Makes sense. [DOES IT] Was he, like... A talking pig, or just a normal pig?

[rosebleed]

It was a huge, cosmic sort of plant. Very invasive. But we took care of it!

[Also thank goodness you really are her people]

A pig person. Boar, really. He was the Baron of a whole city, after all. It would be very difficult to do that if he couldn't talk and had no means of building his big brick house. He had these...they were hooves, but more hand-like.

[agleam]

Ugh... Well, I'm glad you figured it out eventually. Still, that sounds rough.

[moving on, though, he sounds curious]

Sounds like an interesting person. How long did you end up staying with him?

[rosebleed]

Oh, we killed him right away.

[Shaking her head with wide eyes and making an ix-nay cutting motion.]

He was bad. He was trying to kill Death itself so he could profit off of wars between other nations forever. Also he was mad about his dead brothers. Which I get, but still! Come on! That's a crazy way to deal with it.

[agleam]

Ohhhhh yikes.

[yikes!!]

I'm guessing it didn't turn out to be a "let's talk this out" situation? Because that sounds... really intense.

[rosebleed]

It was. He was boiling off Death's immortality in a big cauldron of stew, very slowly and painfully.

But it's fine now! We've set it right. [Nodding fast.] Order restored, Death unboiled. We're doing just fine.