[ ah. he's not too sure what to do with the sudden contact, tensing slightly. but when she doesn't do anything more than just put her hands on his shoulders, they relax slowly. ]
...
I don't know. [ he looks like whatever he's trying to say is... complicated. there's layers and years scattered over it, and it's hard to push past it sometimes because saying it out loud is like admitting it. and that's-- difficult. it's like he'll lose something if he does. ]
I thought it was her son, for ages. Yang's the one who stole the last page of the book, he was with her when she died. [ ... ] It... probably wasn't though.
[ he knew that all along, really. but when you lose everything, what would you do to keep some spark alive -- to keep looking for someone. hate them because it's easier? maybe. it was better to hate him and remember him, than move on from him and forget entirely. ]
[So many people here are so shy. Hesitant at every touch. It breaks her heart a little more. Doesn't anyone look out for them? Do they have anyone they can trust, that they can lean into?]
So they still haven't been found. [If she's understanding correctly.] Shu, forgive me. She seems like she meant a great deal to you. And...maybe I don't know enough to really say for sure, but it sounds like you're trying to make a better world for the people around you. Even if it means you have to do terrible things.
I wish it didn't have to be that way.
[And if she could change it, she would. She might yet.
Hard to say, when she didn't see her own tale through to the end.]
[ sometimes... you are truly just peak adult blend tsunkuudere. ]
No. I expect I'll come across them eventually, but-- if anyone would've seen who did it, it'd be Yang. [ if it wasn't him in the first place. it's very hard not to default to that anger and need to blame someone, anyone, yang. ]
... Once the list is done, I'll stop. I don't have any reason to continue after that. What happens then-- I guess I'll find out, if we get out of this whole mess.
Then I hope... [She frowns. Well, she can't exactly say "Happy killing!" and wish him luck. It sounds like he's doing more good than harm, and there's death a-plenty in her own home, most of it unavenged, a lot of it senseless.]
I hope one way or another, you can find some peace. Both with this mess and the one at home.
[She smiles.]
I don't believe you're a bad person, Shu. I think you're just in a bad situation.
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no subject
...
I don't know. [ he looks like whatever he's trying to say is... complicated. there's layers and years scattered over it, and it's hard to push past it sometimes because saying it out loud is like admitting it. and that's-- difficult. it's like he'll lose something if he does. ]
I thought it was her son, for ages. Yang's the one who stole the last page of the book, he was with her when she died. [ ... ] It... probably wasn't though.
[ he knew that all along, really. but when you lose everything, what would you do to keep some spark alive -- to keep looking for someone. hate them because it's easier? maybe. it was better to hate him and remember him, than move on from him and forget entirely. ]
no subject
So they still haven't been found. [If she's understanding correctly.] Shu, forgive me. She seems like she meant a great deal to you. And...maybe I don't know enough to really say for sure, but it sounds like you're trying to make a better world for the people around you. Even if it means you have to do terrible things.
I wish it didn't have to be that way.
[And if she could change it, she would. She might yet.
Hard to say, when she didn't see her own tale through to the end.]
no subject
No. I expect I'll come across them eventually, but-- if anyone would've seen who did it, it'd be Yang. [ if it wasn't him in the first place. it's very hard not to default to that anger and need to blame someone, anyone, yang. ]
... Once the list is done, I'll stop. I don't have any reason to continue after that. What happens then-- I guess I'll find out, if we get out of this whole mess.
no subject
I hope one way or another, you can find some peace. Both with this mess and the one at home.
[She smiles.]
I don't believe you're a bad person, Shu. I think you're just in a bad situation.