[She pauses. It's not so much that killing itself is a taboo thing. It's more his attitude, the presentation of it that gives her pause. It meant something dire to those people. Even if he was trying to right other wrongs, the method sat ill with all of them.]
[ he sighs, and pulls a bit of a face. ] What do you think of crimes of passion, versus an organised crime, where someone gets paid and hired?
One’s easier to stop than the other. My teacher’s the one who started this, because she used to do it for money and — I dunno. She saw something where she worked. Didn’t like it. Decided the best way to measure her conscience was to list out all the hitmen she knew who killed for cash and nothing else.
I can see the logic in that, I suppose. [She looks to her hands. It's all much more clinical than she's used to. Comparatively she'd call him an assassin, except no one passes him coin to do the work. He does it out of efficiency, a need to clean up the world.
Rosamund can't say how she feels about it.]
Is it something you enjoy, or something that just needs to be done?
[ he’s quiet for a bit, like he’s rolling something around in his mind that he isn’t sure if he wants to share. like having to offer up something very raw and personal, when he wouldn’t normally want to. ]
She was murdered before she could finish it.
[ it isn’t whether he wants to, or he likes it. not particularly, not especially. but it was all she left him, and all he could do for her after everything. ]
[Her expression shifts away from that unreadable apprehension. Sympathy and bleeding hearts are much plainer to read, and it suits her face better than the last mood.]
Shu, I'm so sorry.
[And here she'll cross the space between them, setting her hands on his shoulders. It's a genuine thing, misgivings set aside for the moment.]
How long has it been? Was she killed by one of these hit men?
[ ah. he's not too sure what to do with the sudden contact, tensing slightly. but when she doesn't do anything more than just put her hands on his shoulders, they relax slowly. ]
...
I don't know. [ he looks like whatever he's trying to say is... complicated. there's layers and years scattered over it, and it's hard to push past it sometimes because saying it out loud is like admitting it. and that's-- difficult. it's like he'll lose something if he does. ]
I thought it was her son, for ages. Yang's the one who stole the last page of the book, he was with her when she died. [ ... ] It... probably wasn't though.
[ he knew that all along, really. but when you lose everything, what would you do to keep some spark alive -- to keep looking for someone. hate them because it's easier? maybe. it was better to hate him and remember him, than move on from him and forget entirely. ]
[So many people here are so shy. Hesitant at every touch. It breaks her heart a little more. Doesn't anyone look out for them? Do they have anyone they can trust, that they can lean into?]
So they still haven't been found. [If she's understanding correctly.] Shu, forgive me. She seems like she meant a great deal to you. And...maybe I don't know enough to really say for sure, but it sounds like you're trying to make a better world for the people around you. Even if it means you have to do terrible things.
I wish it didn't have to be that way.
[And if she could change it, she would. She might yet.
Hard to say, when she didn't see her own tale through to the end.]
[ sometimes... you are truly just peak adult blend tsunkuudere. ]
No. I expect I'll come across them eventually, but-- if anyone would've seen who did it, it'd be Yang. [ if it wasn't him in the first place. it's very hard not to default to that anger and need to blame someone, anyone, yang. ]
... Once the list is done, I'll stop. I don't have any reason to continue after that. What happens then-- I guess I'll find out, if we get out of this whole mess.
Then I hope... [She frowns. Well, she can't exactly say "Happy killing!" and wish him luck. It sounds like he's doing more good than harm, and there's death a-plenty in her own home, most of it unavenged, a lot of it senseless.]
I hope one way or another, you can find some peace. Both with this mess and the one at home.
[She smiles.]
I don't believe you're a bad person, Shu. I think you're just in a bad situation.
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no subject
[She pauses. It's not so much that killing itself is a taboo thing. It's more his attitude, the presentation of it that gives her pause. It meant something dire to those people. Even if he was trying to right other wrongs, the method sat ill with all of them.]
What made you start doing it?
no subject
[ he had said his usual work alongside that. ]
…
[ he sighs, and pulls a bit of a face. ] What do you think of crimes of passion, versus an organised crime, where someone gets paid and hired?
One’s easier to stop than the other. My teacher’s the one who started this, because she used to do it for money and — I dunno. She saw something where she worked. Didn’t like it. Decided the best way to measure her conscience was to list out all the hitmen she knew who killed for cash and nothing else.
no subject
Rosamund can't say how she feels about it.]
Is it something you enjoy, or something that just needs to be done?
no subject
She was murdered before she could finish it.
[ it isn’t whether he wants to, or he likes it. not particularly, not especially. but it was all she left him, and all he could do for her after everything. ]
no subject
Shu, I'm so sorry.
[And here she'll cross the space between them, setting her hands on his shoulders. It's a genuine thing, misgivings set aside for the moment.]
How long has it been? Was she killed by one of these hit men?
no subject
...
I don't know. [ he looks like whatever he's trying to say is... complicated. there's layers and years scattered over it, and it's hard to push past it sometimes because saying it out loud is like admitting it. and that's-- difficult. it's like he'll lose something if he does. ]
I thought it was her son, for ages. Yang's the one who stole the last page of the book, he was with her when she died. [ ... ] It... probably wasn't though.
[ he knew that all along, really. but when you lose everything, what would you do to keep some spark alive -- to keep looking for someone. hate them because it's easier? maybe. it was better to hate him and remember him, than move on from him and forget entirely. ]
no subject
So they still haven't been found. [If she's understanding correctly.] Shu, forgive me. She seems like she meant a great deal to you. And...maybe I don't know enough to really say for sure, but it sounds like you're trying to make a better world for the people around you. Even if it means you have to do terrible things.
I wish it didn't have to be that way.
[And if she could change it, she would. She might yet.
Hard to say, when she didn't see her own tale through to the end.]
no subject
No. I expect I'll come across them eventually, but-- if anyone would've seen who did it, it'd be Yang. [ if it wasn't him in the first place. it's very hard not to default to that anger and need to blame someone, anyone, yang. ]
... Once the list is done, I'll stop. I don't have any reason to continue after that. What happens then-- I guess I'll find out, if we get out of this whole mess.
no subject
I hope one way or another, you can find some peace. Both with this mess and the one at home.
[She smiles.]
I don't believe you're a bad person, Shu. I think you're just in a bad situation.